Gavin, my boy.

'They grow up so fast.'
Kids - I bet that's what first came to your mind when you read that. What else grows up so fast anyway? 
These words mostly come from everyone else but the kids' parents (assuming both are the child's primary caregivers). And that's okay!

As a primary parent, you don't notice the fast-growing on a daily basis. The noticing happens on random days when you watch them do or say things they have never done or said before - their 'firsts'. And for older kids; when they talk to you and their inquisitive nature makes you realize that their mind is trying to process everything that goes on around them.

 
For context, and in favour of anyone reading my blog for the first time, I am a mum to a boy who turns 5 in a few weeks - August 3rd. I was his primary caregiver from birth to when he was 16 months old. And then he stayed with my parents when I resumed my studies. Up until I was done with school early last year, I would only see him during the short breaks between semesters - that kind of detachment is something else!

I always thought finishing school meant the end of that on and off presence in his life - sadly no! I was home with him( and my parents) from early May to early July and then I brought him with me to Nairobi. That time I was like ; Pheewks! Finally I get to be with him. We bonded and made a lot of good memories. He even started school, and let me tell you Maina! Dressing your kid for school every morning gives you the purest of joys, especially if your kid loves school - easy time waking them up. And when kids go to 'good' schools, they come back home happier than they left - with so much good energy and interesting stories.And within no time you notice progress in their language and behaviour.

December came and we travelled to Eldoret for my graduation ( he was pronouncing it as 'gwajeshen' - I will never forget that ) and then travelled home. January came and due to financial constraints and other personal reasons, I had to leave him at home, again. We had a deal though, that I was going to get him once I got a job and that I won't be away for so long. That deal is still on...

First time I saw him after that was in mid - March. He was so excited to see me, he talked so much that evening. The emotional part of his random stories was when he said, 'Nilifly huko juu kwa Mungu nikamwambia akupee kazi...' And he continued to narrate more of that as I tried to hold back my tears. We talked till 1am that day, several hours past his usual bedtime, so he had to miss school the following day - the privileges you get when your grandma is your class teacher. And then we talked some more throughout that day before we said goodbye again. ( I was home for only two nights).

He clearly understands that in order for him to live with me in any other place that's not home, I have to have money, and to have money I must have a source of income - the haves! Late April was the next time I was home, this time for 3 weeks - went back home to a boy who is more of everything he has ever been in his little life - funnier, more charming, inquisitive,  talks so much now and is so physically active! - and so much more.

I wrote this next part of this piece during those 3weeks I was with him and shortly after I came to Nairobi - my 'Notes App' is a very beautiful space! These are the things I want to remember forever, these are the things I want to tell him during coffee dates when he is so much older and then we will laugh and reminisce - you pictured that?
So what other way to permanently keep these memories than to write them down!

Second person narrative :)

              Random Tales from a Mother.

...One morning when you're dressing him for school, he notices your sun hat hanging from your bedroom wall and comments on the writings on it, not because he understands them - he just loves the look of the writings.

You glance at your hat even though you know what is written on it - Summer Vibes. And in that moment it reminds you of one of your childhood songs that goes like:

'You're my sunshine,
My only sunshine,
You make me happy,
When skies are gra-aay,
You'll never know dear,
How much I love you,
Please don't ta-aake my sunshine away!'

He blushes a little as you sing it to him but you notice his face light up and it melts your heart. When you're done singing, he comes in for a hug and wraps his arms around you like you are the most important thing in the world. You sing it again while rubbing his back - something he really loves. And just like that, singing this song to him becomes a thing that you do every so often with him cuddled up around you.

During one of his bathing sessions, he asks you what his weenie is called and before you can think of the correct response , he says it's called madong'dong'. It sounds so hilarious but you take care not to laugh too much because you don't want him to shy away from asking such questions.
Before you can ask him where he got the term from , he goes on to ask you why his female cousins don't have madong'dong'. When you answer that, he mentions the men in his life and asks if their madong'dong's are just like his. He also asks if 'yours' is the same as his nieces'.

 He looks at you straight in your eyes while asking these questions and you admire his innocence and confidence. You don't remember ever asking such questions as a kid and how you found out your sexuality and differentiated it from your brothers'.
Anyway, you manoevour the conversation just fine because it so happens that the previous day, you listened to a podcast that mentioned a bit about addressing such questions from kids - that sex education begins when kids start to discover their sexuality and that you should answer their questions based on their age/level of understanding and as they grow, you teach them more.

One afternoon you're chilling in the living room with him - he is playing around while you scroll through your phone,  And when that song 'Ni Sawa' by Vijana barubaru plays on TV, he notices the male  vixen who is a dwarf and goes like, 'Look at that guy, he is a kid like me.' You  laugh at his dark humour so hard he starts laughing too.

Like the active boy he is, on most evenings as you prepare dinner, he invites himself on 'stage' and gives you random shows - one being counting his body parts and naming them while touching them. So he goes like; 'Ears ni two' , 'Eyes ni two' , 'Ulimi ni one' and somewhere in between his recitals, your cheeky brother intercepts when he touches his butt and counts it as one. When he is asked why he can't count it as two, he says, 'Juu zimeshikana.'(I'm laughing so hard typing that) Huh!

Twice or thrice during bedtime, he wants you to make him understand how exactly God is going to help you get a job. He asks if God is going to give you 'power' or if he is going to come to you 'down here' .( He talks about 'power' a lot - most definitely picked it from watching cartoons.) And you have to quickly think of answers to his random, mind - engaging questions.

On the last day before you leave, as you neatly fold all his clothes like you always do before travelling, you learn that he knows how to neatly fold trousers. You're so in awe and when he sees the expression on your face, he tells you that one of his female cousins taught him how to do it. You tell him he's doing great and he smiles so big as he folds the rest of them - the kind of moments as a mum that you take mental pictures of, literally! The ones you consciously create adequate and permanent space for, somewhere in your system.

As you finalize the folding together, he kneels closer to you and says, 'Si ukipata kazi utakuja tupange nguo hivi alafu tuende nazo?' He says it so casually but to you, those words have you thinking and wishing so much! 

That last night, you cuddle him and tell him that you're going to get a job soon, live with him and buy him all the things he wants - well most of them. He asks you if you're going to 'fly together in an aeroplane' when you get money and you tell him, 'Yeah, some day.' 

He tells you everything he remembers about your friends - the ones you lived with while in Nairobi and the ones he met, and then asks you if you're going back to them and you say yes. He goes like, 'Ama tuende tu na wewe'  and you explain to him over and over again that you can't leave with him yet - not to make him understand, because he already gets it, but to repeatedly reassure him that everything is going to turn out just fine. When  you have satisfactorily answered all his questions, you tell him you love him so much and he says it back.
He says it back and you pull him closer and wrap your arms around him- tighter. He tries to do that too...

Gavin, my boy.